


i can't remember

by Ecinue



Series: memory lane [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Amnesia, Angst, Freeform, I made him go through some stuff, Mentioned Dream (Video Blogging RPF) - Freeform, Mentioned Eret (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Niki | Nihachu (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Quackity (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Technoblade, Mentioned Tubbo, Mentioned Wilbur Soot (Video Blogging RPF), Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), a rewrite of my day 10 of mcyttober, ahaha angst go brrr, memories go bye, poor Tommy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26966296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ecinue/pseuds/Ecinue
Summary: He can't remember much anymore. Everything is slipping away.
Relationships: Don't Ship Real Life People, No Romantic Relationship(s), platonic only, shippers dni - Relationship
Series: memory lane [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969003
Comments: 24
Kudos: 804





	i can't remember

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [MCYTober Prompts 2020](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26799994) by [Ecinue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ecinue/pseuds/Ecinue). 



> Disclaimer: Please be aware that everything I write is fictional and in no means supposed to allude to what should really happen. I have no intention of making these creators uncomfortable and if any of the people mentioned here blatantly state that they are uncomfortable with this, I will immediately remove this work. This fic is referring to their internet characters, such as portrayed in the Dream SMP, not their IRL selves. I also do not ship anyone and will not be writing ship fics, especially if the CC has stated that they are uncomfortable with it. Again, remember that this is all fictional, and if anyone mentioned expresses their discomfort, I will gladly remove this work.
> 
> Hi! Basically, I really liked my Day 10's writing for MCYTTober so I made it into a separate fic so people can enjoy. Have fun~~

It’s early December when he finds himself first slipping.

Although he had managed to warn people of the explosion and everyone who died had respawned, everything was still chaos. Dream had vanished once again and Techno with him, this time. Schlatt was barely holding the ruins of ~~Manberg~~ L’manberg together, Eret and their allies were hiding in the castle, and Wilbur was still absolutely insane. The man literally lost his sanity and he was now jailed or in hiding.

Tommy’s not really sure. He hasn’t kept in contact with anybody except Tubbo. He isn’t sure what to do now with Techno and Dream gone. It’s almost as if they left the face of the Earth (or the SMP in this case). He doesn’t trust Quackity or George considering they’re on Schlatt’s side and he can’t bring himself to face their former L’manbergians after what Wilbur did. The man he once considered a brother refused to see him and it killed him inside. Everyone else that was neutral or picked a side just avoided him.

He’s alone now in the remnants of Pogtopia. The ravine feels so lonely without his brothers and often, he finds himself in the potato farm instead of anywhere else. He’s moved most of his belongings deep into the ravine and made a new room that was an extension of the farm. He claimed that room as his new bedroom, staying close to the farm, one of the few things left that reminded him of his brothers. There are too many extra beds now with everyone gone. Even L’dog is gone and that crushes him, knowing that he’s truly alone.

Tubbo visits sometimes when the others allow him an off day. He’s the only one brave enough to visit Tommy in these harsh conditions. He visits Tommy even when it’s blizzarding outside, something that the blond finds himself fretting about constantly. He brings gifts for Tommy, such as returning his discs, a thicker blanket, and jacket, new weapons, etc. Tommy is beyond grateful but he doesn’t know why Tubbo keeps visiting, especially since his friend’s eyebags grow more and more prominent.

Tommy finds it hard to sleep now, memories and trauma affecting him even throughout the day. He tends the farm constantly, sometimes visiting the Nether to practice combat. It’s much too cold outside the ravine to do anything so he stays inside. The first war between Dream’s side and L’manberg felt so far away...had it really only been a year and a half ago? It felt so long ago...

~~How come he can’t remember the reason the war first started?~~

Tubbo’s visits decrease over time due to work and bad weather, especially during late December. This winter is especially harsh, having started early and shown no signs of stopping with its blizzards. Tommy reassures his friend that he doesn’t mind being alone. He has a potato farm to look after, a ravine to maintain, the Nether for combat training, and he has his discs!

Cat and Mellohi are playing at almost all times of the day now, sometimes swapped out for Blocks. The music is calming and echoes through the air, offering a nice distraction for Tommy. He finds himself humming along and dancing to it throughout the day. Sometimes, when Tubbo comes over, they laugh and make jokes and think up of funny dances together.

There’s a day, however, where Tubbo asks Tommy to come with him back to Manberg. Tommy doesn’t know why but he completely panics, shaking his head rapidly and backing away.

The thought of going back and seeing the ruins of that place terrifies him. He doesn’t know if he can hold himself back from hurting Schlatt, he doesn’t know if he can hold himself back from breaking in front of Wilbur, he doesn’t know if he can face Eret and Niki’s pained expressions. He’s terrified of going back, he tells Tubbo. He doesn’t want to go back, he sobs. That place is scary, he whispers.

That evening, they curl up together in Tommy’s small bed, just whispering about a utopian dream of where they’re both far away from here and safe, building a treehouse and raising a bee farm. It’s a dream they can never obtain because they both know that they’re too involved in this war to do anything.

If Tommy cries that night and Tubbo screams his rage about the others into a pillow, they both don’t mention it the next morning.

~~Why is he so scared of everyone?~~

On the days that Tubbo is unable to visit, Tommy reminisces on all the places in the SMP. He remembers how loudly his heart pounded in his chest that day during the duel against Dream on the boardwalk. He remembers how the explosions went off through the remnants of Manberg, blowing up the White House and everything around it. He remembers how betrayed he felt as Eret’s deep voice reverberated through the underground bunker as the room blew up. He remembers how scared he was as he ran through the woods, alone and terrified after Schlatt exiled him. He remembers how furious he felt when he saw L’manberg’s flag go up in flames.

He briefly recalls how he admired Eret building the walls for L’manberg, protecting them. He briefly recalls how everyone loved Niki’s bakery, whether they were against L’manberg or not. He briefly glimpses days where he spent joking around and giggling with his brothers and Tubbo in the ravine of Pogtopia.

He glimpses days where he used to spend with Tubbo and Purpled, playing tag with Dream and making jokes with Sapnap and George. He glimpses days where he’s playing in the snow, having a snowball fight with Eret, Fundy, and Tubbo, the laughter truly beginning when he nails a snowball into Wilbur’s face. He glimpses days where he and Tubbo are just being their childish selves in their meadow, sometimes accompanied by Purpled.

All these memories eventually blur together and he only recalls most of them in his dreams, forgetting them when he wakes up.

~~Where are all these locations?~~

Tubbo stopped visiting at the peak of winter at the end of January. There was a particularly bad snowstorm and Tommy had purposely layered up to clear the entrance of Pogtopia just in case Tubbo would be stopping by. When the day passed and the brunette didn’t show up, Tommy felt slightly grateful that he didn’t come, knowing that the shorter male would’ve probably gotten sick had he come.

Still, another week passed and Tommy grew worried. Where was his best friend? What happened to Tubbo? He felt terrified that Tubbo might’ve just disappeared or worse, been discovered and killed. He longed for the presence of his best friend. He felt alone, so _so_ alone in the ravine.

Another week passed. At this point, Tommy was losing hope. He felt abandoned but he knew that Tubbo wouldn’t leave him behind without a fair warning. But if Tubbo didn’t abandon him, where did he go? Tommy didn’t know and it terrified him.

Three weeks passed. Tommy didn’t expect Tubbo to return any more. Schlatt probably discovered Tubbo’s visits. Instead, he curls up alone in his bed, longing for the warmth that used to fill the other half. Mellohi plays often now and he only gets up a few times a day to tend to the potato farm and to eat. He cut off the connection to the Nether, no longer finding interest in combat.

He’s tired, now that he thinks about it.

~~When was the last time that boy visited?~~

The discs’ music wafts through the air every day.

It never stops. It plays when Tommy’s farming, it plays when he’s eating, it plays when he’s decorating the ravine, it plays when he goes outside to shovel the entrance, and it even plays when he’s sleeping. It’s a constant in his miserable life, one of the few constants that remain.

He doesn’t quite remember much anymore. He doesn’t know why he continues to farm; he just does. There’s a feeling that if he stops, something bad will happen. He’s forgetting a lot of things. He can’t seem to remember what happened before the end of February. All he knows is that every day, he’ll wake up, tend to the potatoes, switch out the discs, eat some food (usually potatoes), shovel the entrance, maintain the ravine, switch out the discs again, and go back to sleep. Then...he repeats.

On one particularly bad day, he finds himself holding the discs with trembling hands. Why were they so important to him again? Why was their music so comforting even though they’ve been on repeat for ages? What was going on with him?

He wanted to throw them against the wall and smash them but the very thought of it had him gasping for air from sorrow. So...instead of taking his rage out on the discs, he set them aside and punched a tree outside until his knuckles were dripping blood and almost broken.

He didn’t care. The dent in the trunk made him feel a little better.

~~What were the names of these discs again?~~

Winter finally ended after an agonizing four months. It’s the end of March when the blizzards and snowstorms finally stop. Tommy finds it surprising that he’s managed to keep track of time for so long when he’s constantly slipping. Today, he decides that he’ll go outside and search for something new. Potatoes were getting bland and he wanted to gather some new materials to fix up his hoe.

He brings his discs with him and the winter jacket that he has. It’s the only jacket he has and he doesn’t remember where he got it from; all that he knows is that it’s warm, it’s fraying from usage, and it’s important. He cannot lose it.

Tucking his discs away on the inside of the jacket, he brings a diamond ax just in case anything attacks him. Humming quietly under his breath, he exists the ravine and inhales sharply. The air is no longer bitter cold and is now a fresh chill, bringing contentedness to him.

He walks around the forest. He doesn’t quite know what he’s searching for but he finds himself heading in a specific direction. Eventually, he comes across a small hill. Climbing to the top, he gazes out onto the horizon and sees the remnants of a town.

Is it a town? He doesn’t know.

There’s a big castle with windows in the colors of the rainbow. It’s very pretty, Tommy decides, and he sits on the hill to admire the castle. The outside walls look damaged, however, and he thinks it’s a shame that they’ve been harmed. Across from the castle is a deranged looking building and even further away from it is the ruins of a nation. His heart aches for all the damaged areas, although he doesn’t know why.

There are figures moving around. A man with a blue shirt and white glasses is chatting with another man wearing a white shirt and a white bandana. They both look very tired and seem to be making their way up to the castle’s entrance. Speaking of the castle’s entrance, there looked to be some kind of gathering. Tommy watched them all curiously as a man wearing sunglasses and a crown greeted them.

He wondered why they were all gathering.

They all looked very tired and ragged as if they had been running through multiple blizzards. The last two to arrive at the gathering where two men who were glancing around nervously. The others seemed to greet with cold regard. One of the men had horns and goat ears poking out of his head, wearing a business suit that seemed to have seen better days. He kept fiddling with his hands, sometimes reaching up to scratch at his horns. It wasn’t until someone else, a man wearing sunglasses and a beanie, whispered to him that he stopped.

The other man also wore a beanie, his brown hair poking out, and a jacket that looked a little like a trenchcoat. He appeared nervous and incredibly apologetic, although a bit paranoid with his constant flinching and the way his eyes seemed to rapidly scan the area. Everyone seemed tense around him, all having varying levels of emotion on their face.

For some reason, seeing them all made Tommy’s heart hurt. Why did it hurt? He wasn’t quite sure. He watched them all talk for a little longer before deciding to turn away. He had other things to do; more important things to do. He had to find more food.

Setting off back into the forest, he didn’t look back once as he searched for animals. Still...he couldn’t help but wonder...

  
  
  


~~Who were those people?~~

**Author's Note:**

> TommyInnit angst is honestly one of my favorites to write because (1) it's kinda easy and (2) there are so many possibilities! I hope you all enjoyed this fic~~ Been working hard at MCYTTober and it's kinda shocking that I've been keeping up. If you cry...*hands over tissue box* here is my offering. No regrets~
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this! Kudos, comments, bookmarks, anything is appreciated greatly! Thank you for reading my fic!
> 
> Feel free to come to yell at me on twitter!  
> https://twitter.com/ecinue_unicorn


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